Women in LA imagine a world without domestic violence

Every year, thousands of Latina women experience all types of domestic violence, from verbal and physical aggression to mental and economic exploitation.

Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicate that 29.7% of adult Latina women (6,537,000) in the United States claim to have experienced domestic violence at some point in their lives.

To send messages of: “Enough of sexist violence”, “Treat your partner with respect”, “Violence against women is a man’s issue” or emphasize that “love does not hurt”, dozens of families joined the traditional march organized by the East Los Angeles Women’s Center.

Event organizers invited people to solemnly come together to remember the lives lost to domestic violence, support survivors and imagine a future without violence, as well as inspire change during domestic violence awareness month.

Dressed in purple as a symbol of peace, courage, survival, honor and personal commitment to take action against domestic violence in their own communities, people gathered in front of the Mural of the Virgin of Guadalupe at the intersection of César Chávez and Mednik.

“Every person has the right to peace of mind, to a life free of violence, to a safe home, and to be treated with respect and dignity,” declared Barbara Kappos, executive director of the East Los Angeles Women’s Center (ELAWC), in front of the crowd that met in the courtyard of the East Los Angeles College Performing Arts Center.

“A violation of human rights”
In the United States, moreover, nearly three women are murdered every day by their intimate partners, predominantly men they know and, to a large extent, by current or former intimate partners, according to Sanctuary for Families, a health care provider organization. services and advocate for survivors of domestic violence, sex trafficking, and forms of gender-based violence.

In California, specifically, state Attorney General Rob Bonta reported that in 2023 law enforcement received 160,357 calls for assistance related to domestic violence, just 2,165 fewer than in 2022.

Also, the number of domestic violence calls involving firearms decreased from 2,132 cases in 2022 to 1,789 in 2023.

In particular, in Los Angeles, Detective Marie Sadanaga reported to the Police Commission in July 2023 that 43,438 calls related to incidents of domestic violence were received in the city and 17,472 crimes were committed. Of these figures, there were 3,405 arrests and 378 cases involved the use of weapons.

“Domestic violence is a violation of human rights,” said Barbara Kappos. “While domestic violence is often treated as a private matter, it is truly a collective problem that society as a whole must address because it violates a whole range of fundamental human, civil, economic, social and cultural rights.”

A beating husband
“Margarita”, a victim and survivor of domestic violence, narrated her case. She was married for approximately 26 years to a military man.

“He was the provider and I took care of everything else,” she said. “We had two children, both with special needs,” she said.

She decided to stay in the home where her husband was “controlling, possessive, jealous, narcissistic and self-centered,” she said. “He violated me verbally and psychologically, I had sleep disturbances and social isolation.”

Margarita felt alone. He didn’t talk to anyone.

“To this day I still have depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress syndrome,” he revealed. “Fortunately they are treating my mental health problem, I have my therapist and my psychiatrist who have helped me a lot for more than a year.”

Before living in California, his family lived in El Paso, Texas. Her ex-husband moved to work in California and the rest of us made the decision to come too.

They arrived at the soldier’s mother’s house.
“She also violated me, she wouldn’t stop talking to me. When she felt like it, she was in charge of preparing the food and I was in charge of cleaning,” Margarita described. “We lived with her for seven very long months.”
Five adults lived in the house, one of the mother-in-law’s cats and four others of hers. One died.

“I think she and her granddaughter poisoned it for me. In that house I felt suffocated. I was living hell; “I slept little and cried a lot, sometimes in the shower or at night when everyone was going to sleep,” he said.

In November 2023, Margarita’s daughter asked her grandmother why she was mistreating them. He had no response.

“My children’s father, instead of defending us, his family, decided to defend his mother… He pushed my daughter and me several times,” she recalled.

The final straw occurred when the ex-husband hit Margarita with his fist.
“Aiming at my face with all his force, he hit me twice on the left jaw,” he said. “I’m still a little scared to touch myself there. “I’m traumatized.”

As a result of the attack, her daughter called 911, and, although she wanted to deny the beating she had received before the police, her daughter confirmed the physical attack.

The attacker was arrested, but they were left on the street until a childhood friend offered them shelter, and through the East Los Angeles Women’s Center they were able to find permanent housing for them.

The wrong definition of machismo
Osvaldo “Ozzie” Cruz, senior manager of educational and family initiatives at National Compadres Network, told La Opinión that part of his responsibility is to work with men and youth to raise awareness about what domestic violence and sexual harassment means.

“There is no single answer to domestic violence,” he said. “We must analyze the history of our lives to know what are the examples that have been given to us, what are those things or excuses that we have created for this problem that we have created and from which we have turned our faces away, without wanting to take responsibility.”

“Ozzie” Cruz pointed out that every human being, and especially men, “have the ability and responsibility to identify the values ​​that support us to leave behind customs or traditions that are not edifying in our relationships, such as custom. of bringing alcohol to a birthday celebration, being selfish or being part of the negative definition of machismo.”
“It’s not about respecting just women, but any human being,” she said.

“No more fear”
“At 30 years old, Daisy” has a history of sexual assault since she was 15 and is a survivor of domestic violence.

“It all started with previous partners I’ve had,” Daisy testified, during the annual march and vigil organized by the East Los Angeles Women’s Center (ELAWC).

The abuse against Daisy arose from the absence of a maternal and paternal figure.

“I’ve always lacked that love and affection,” says Daisy. “So, I have sought that love and affection through my partner, but, when I started having relations with someone, I realized that that person was taking advantage of me.”

Daisy left that relationship that lasted four years, where she was a victim of sexual and verbal abuse.
She moved on to the next couple and her story got worse, she was beaten all the time and was belittled.
She fled from that experience and, when she thought she had found a gentleman in her life, what she considers to have been “the worst abuse” happened to her.

“This person manipulated my mind and myself,” she declared. “He realized that I was a hard worker, that I am a strong person, and he focused on who I was and what I could achieve in life.”
And that man took charge of Daisy’s finances. He exploited her and believed that he was in love with her.

“It dug deep into my mind,” he said. “And very early in the relationship, I got pregnant.”
Daisy decided to follow a path separate from that man. During pregnancy she learned that the warning sign of abuse was finances

She realized that she was paying for everything and doing everything herself.

When his son was born, the man moved across the street from where Daisy had lived since childhood.
Basically, the man knew where Daisy was. I knew every aspect of his life, schedules, where he went to school…everything.

During the pandemic, on Mother’s Day, the guy gave her a trip to the Jonas Brothers pop rock band’s concert at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles.

He took advantage of the fact that Daisy was going through postpartum depression and, in some way, she needed company…to be close to someone.

One day, the man invited her to his house across the street with his almost newborn son.
“He raped me and he was not drunk. “He was fully aware of what was happening and he did it in front of our son, while my baby was sleeping,” said Daisy, who has found it difficult to process all the experiences she suffered.

Although the man was still present in her life, it took Daisy too long to get a restraining order, which was granted for only a few months.
“The police dropped the case,” he said.

But fate would have another bad trick in store for her: Daisy was diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune disease, which means that the immune system attacks healthy tissue in the body.
“So now I’m dealing with lupus and the trauma of rape,” she said.

She doesn’t know if, after two drinks, she got drunk, fainted completely, or if her son’s father drugged her at that concert.

But as time passed, Daisy confronted the man. He accepted that he had raped her, and she, knowing that they were no longer part of each other’s lives, reached an agreement in court over joint custody of their son.

That subject was finally excluded from his life, and forever.

For this reason, Daisy launched a message of encouragement and hope for Latina women and stressed: “No more fear. If you are a victim of any type of domestic violence, please speak up. Even if you are young. I wish I had known this when I was 15.”

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