How to be a polite passenger and defuse conflicts when they arise
By Mandy Walker
Crowded planes, cramped seats, long delays, rude passengers – all of this conspires against you to make flying more difficult than ever. What can you do about it? Sometimes you need to show a little courtesy and common sense. But other times, it is good to know how to manage situations that risk becoming a serious conflict. Here we share an essential guide that you need to read before your next flight.
The new etiquette on airplanes
Don’t start an armrest war
The protocol, says Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, is for the person in the middle seat to have access to both armrests because they are in the least comfortable seat. If they aren’t using them, ask if you can use the one closest to you.
Lean back carefully
“Yes, the seat has a button to recline. Your car also has a steering wheel, but that doesn’t mean you can use it to run over other people,” says Gottsman. Before using that button, look behind you and make sure you are not disturbing someone who may be very tall or have mobility issues, or whose tray is lowered. “Don’t sit back if it’s obvious you’ll bother someone and it’s a short flight,” adds the expert. Plan ahead by avoiding tight clothing, she suggests, so that even in tight spaces you’ll feel comfortable. Otherwise, be polite and say, “Would you mind if I recline?”
Avoid stinky (and potentially dangerous) food
“If you bring food like tuna on board, don’t expect everyone to welcome you with open arms,” says Gottsman. Stay away from spicy foods, as well as those that commonly cause allergic reactions, for example, nuts or peanuts [cacahuete].
Try to share as little as possible
“You can’t be best friends with someone on a two-hour flight,” Gottsman explains. “I recently sat next to someone who shared a lot about his kidney disease and asked me a lot of personal questions,” he says. “To end this situation you can say, ‘You’ll have to excuse me, I’m going to put on my headphones and take a nap,’” he adds.
And keep your shoes on
Dress respectfully with other passengers, as Gottsman suggests. “If it’s something you would wear to sleep at home, don’t wear it on a plane.” Put on more comfortable, but closed, shoes.
5 difficult situations and how to solve them
A passenger asks you to change his seat
“It’s okay to say no, except maybe when a parent needs to sit down with a small child,” says travel writer Benet Wilson. In other situations, you might politely say something like, “I’m so sorry, but I need to sleep on this flight and I chose a window seat for that reason.” However, if they ask you to change an identical seat, say an aisle seat, to one in the back row, it’s probably good to agree.
You are sitting near a crying baby
“Keep in mind that the child is probably experiencing some problem, perhaps an earache or fear,” Gottsman says. “You can ask the cabin crew if there is a quieter seat available, but there are probably people around you asking the same thing.” This is another situation, he says, where noise-cancelling headphones can come in handy.
You are allergic to your seatmate’s dog
“One time, a woman behind me took her dog out of the cage and the animal was hitting my leg,” Wilson says. The expert explained that she was allergic and the woman, indignant, put the dog back in her cage. “I try not to involve flight attendants in trivial matters. I try to handle it politely myself,” she adds.
When you are around an angry passenger
“If someone is being so aggressive that you start to feel worried or overwhelmed, then call the crew,” advises Gottsman. “They are trained to handle aggressive passengers and can make decisions that you can’t make on the plane, like removing someone if necessary,” he adds.
You are in a seat and a child kicks you repeatedly
Gottsman suggests that you take a deep breath and, in a pleasant tone, turn around and say, “I know your child is little, but he’s kicking my seat. Would you mind helping me with that?” Wilson has an additional suggestion: I tell parents that a trick I learned when traveling with my son is to take off his shoes. “They don’t like to kick their socks.”
Editor’s note: This article also appeared in the October 2023 issue of Consumer Reports magazine.
Consumer Reports is an independent, nonprofit organization that works side by side with consumers to create a fairer, safer, and healthier world. CR does not endorse products or services, and does not accept advertising. Copyright © 2023, Consumer Reports, Inc.
Consumer Reports has no financial relationship with the advertisers on this site. Consumer Reports is an independent, nonprofit organization that works with consumers to create a fair, safe, and healthy world. CR does not endorse products or services and does not accept advertising. Copyright © 2023, Consumer Reports, Inc.