A growing number of grieving fathers in Israel are calling for sperm to be extracted and frozen from the bodies of their sons, many of them soldiers.
Some procedural rules have been relaxed following the Hamas attacks on October 7, but families are expressing anger and frustration at the lengthy legal processes they face.
Avi Harush’s voice trembles as he recalls the moment he learned that his 20-year-old son Reef had been killed in combat on April 6, 2024 in the Gaza Strip.
The military officers who came to his door presented him with a dilemma. There was still time to retrieve Reef’s sperm. Was the family interested?
Avi’s response was immediate. Reef “lived life to the fullest,” he says. “Despite the horrible loss, we chose to live.”
“Reef loved children and wanted to have children of his own; there’s no doubt about that,” he adds.
Reef had no wife or girlfriend. But when Avi began sharing her son’s story, several women reached out and offered to have Reef’s child.
Avi says that the idea is now the “mission” of his life.
The family is among A growing number of people have frozen sperm from their loved ones since Hamas’s attacks on Israel on October 7.and, in which some 1,200 people died and another 251 were taken hostage.
In response, Israel launched a military operation in Gaza in which more than 39,000 Palestinians have been killed, according to the Hamas-run Health Ministry. Some 400 Israelis have also been killed in the war.
Since October 7, sperm has been extracted from almost 170 young men, both civilians and soldiers.according to the Israeli Ministry of Health. The figure is about 15 times the average number for the same period in previous years.
Without court order
The process involves making an incision in the testicle and removing a small piece of tissue, from which live sperm can be isolated in a laboratory and frozen.
Success rates for retrieving cells are highest if the procedure is performed within 24 hours of death, although sperm can live up to 72 hours.
In October, the Israeli Health Ministry removed the requirement that parents obtain a court order to request the procedure.
The Israel Defense Forces (IDF) say they have become more proactive in offering the procedure to grieving parents in recent years.
But although it is now easier to freeze sperm, widows or fathers who want to use it to conceive a child They have to prove to the court that the deceased wanted to have children..
The process can take years, especially for parents.
Background
The first parents in Israel to preserve and use their dead son’s sperm were Rachel and Yaakov Cohen, whose son Keivan was shot dead by a Palestinian sniper, according to the IDF, in 2002 in the Gaza Strip.
His granddaughter, Osher, born from Keivan’s sperm, is now 10 years old..
Rachel describes a moment after Keivan died when she felt his presence: “I went into his closet. I wanted to find his scent. I even smelled his shoes,” she says.
“He spoke to me from his photo. He asked me to make sure that [él] had children.”
Rachel says they “faced a lot of opposition” but ultimately won an unprecedented legal decision.
The next step was to place an ad stating that they were looking for a possible mother for their grandson or granddaughter.
Irit, who did not share her last name to protect the family’s privacy, was among dozens of women who responded to the ad.
Irit was single. She says she was evaluated by a psychologist and a social worker and then, with court approval, began fertility treatment.
“Some people say we are playing God. I don’t think that is the case,” he says.
“There is a difference between a child who knows his father and one conceived through a sperm bank donation,” he added.
Osher knows her father was killed in the military. His room is decorated with dolphins. She says she knows he loved them..
“I know they took his sperm and looked for a perfect mother to bring me into the world,” the girl says.
Irit says Osher has grandparents, uncles and cousins on both sides. She says she is raising Osher “normally” to ensure she “isn’t raised to be a living monument.”
“Last chance”
Preserving sperm has “great significance” for grieving families, says Dr. Itai Gat, director of the sperm bank at Shamir Medical Center, who performs the surgery.
“This is the last chance to preserve the option of reproduction and fertility in the future,” she said.
The doctor adds that there has recently been a “significant cultural shift” towards greater acceptance of the process, but that current rules have created a conflict for single men.
For them, Gat notes, there is often no clear record of consent. This has left families already dealing with grief in “a very difficult situation,” where sperm has been frozen but they cannot use it for fertilisation.
“We are talking about reproduction, about bringing a boy or a girl into the world… who we know will be an orphan, without a father,” she says.
In most cases, the deceased has never met the mother of the child created with his sperm, he added. All decisions concerning the child, his education and his future will be made by the mother.
Gat says he was previously opposed to preserving sperm unless there was clear consent from the deceased. But his opinion has softened since meeting families bereaved by the current war.
“I see how meaningful it is to them, how it sometimes gives them some comfort,” she says.
Yuval Sherlo, a prominent liberal rabbi who heads the Tzohar Center for Jewish Ethics in Tel Aviv, emphasizes that the consent of the deceased is an important consideration.
And he explains that two important principles of Jewish law are also involved: continuing a man’s lineage and burying the entire body.
Some rabbis claim that continuing the lineage is so important that it merits damaging bodily tissue, he says, while others argue that the procedure should not be performed at all.
The current rules on this issue are guidelines published by the Attorney General in 2003, but they are not enshrined in law.
Israeli lawmakers have attempted to draft a bill to create clearer and more comprehensive rules, but efforts have stalled.
People close to the process told the BBC there has been a dispute over the level of explicit consent from the deceased that should be required.
Another point of contention is whether the child would receive benefits normally awarded to children of soldiers killed in service.
Israeli media also reported disagreements between widows and bereaved fathers over how much control fathers should have over their sons’ sperm, especially if the widow does not wish to use it to have a child.
Those who have already frozen their children’s sperm are concerned that if legislation is eventually passed, it will only address future issues of consent and not save them from facing lengthy court battles.
In Avi’s case, there is determination in his pain.
The father looks at a cardboard box filled with his son’s personal diaries, albums and mementos.
Avi says she won’t rest until she can give Reef a child: “It will happen… and his children will receive this box.”
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