MEXICO.- For many years, Néstor Hernández made jokes and misogynistic comments. He questioned the work capacities of some professional colleagues, for example. And other things that she prefers to mention in a general way because she did it without thinking, without analyzing, because it seemed natural, something that passed from generation to generation, from her parents and her environment.
“I only realized what I was doing after I finished university”, acknowledges in an interview with this newspaper. “That he was normalizing that violence and that he had to admit that there are things that bother them. So I started watching my own speech and listening to what I was saying to my partner and I recognized the misogynist. I changed because of that and because they attacked women I loved.”
Men like Néstor who currently support respect for them are nicknamed in Mexico “feministos” in a double language that sometimes indicates sympathy, sometimes rejection by both genders.
Those who welcome them in a good way prefer to call them “allies”., a term that Néstor Hernández warmly welcomes. “Men cannot be part of their struggle other than by accompanying them, without seeking leadership, defending their causes in private spaces when necessary and nothing else.”
The experience for some male allies has not always been positive. In one of the most notorious cases, the attack received on social networks by a group of academics from the National Autonomous University of Mexico who wanted to pay homage to the icon of feminism Martha Lamas, one of the most fervent fighters for reproductive rights in the country, among other battles.
When the call was published and they saw the guest list, the sea of criticism jumped: “UNAM says: women, sit down because we will invite 11 men to teach them what feminism means“, read a protest message on Twitter and although Lamas herself tried to calm things down, in the end, it was not carried out.
“When they proposed the tribute to me I thought it was something different, creative, playful. I thought it might be interesting for a group of men who are my friends and allies in many causes to talk about my career, my activism and my work,” explained Lamas.
“I thought that I could also invite a certain type of public that no longer goes to feminist events because they are always the same or very similar”.
In another case that occurred within the framework of International Women’s Day, a post from the United Nations Organization in Mexico sparked similar reactions on Facebook. “It is okay when men share the care of the children, when they cry, when they do choreswhen they are feminists and demonstrate in favor of women”, said the post.
“Men cannot be femists,” responded Rosa González, a follower of the account. Laura Díaz, another participant, wrote: “Women do not need men to be feminists but to take charge of their toxic masculinity, with that we have”.
Servando Reyes, an international business student at the Instituto Tecnológico y de Estudios Superiores de Monterrey told this newspaper that he agrees with the argument that men should not have a say in what women want. “We have to keep quiet and review what we do, what we say and how we treat the women around us.”
For his generation it has been easier to understand, he explained: “There is more awareness of when we have sexist behaviors because on the doors of the men’s and women’s bathrooms there is a list of all the behaviors that can denigrate them”.
Definitely, he adds, we are another generation.
In recent years, the country has made legal advances in favor of women. Alerts for gender violence, laws that give more severe punishments to the aggressors as well as against all those who exercise sexual violence or the obligation of the parties to include women as political candidates for positions of popular election.
In 2022, the Olimpia Law came into force, named after two women victims of digital violence, whose partners exhibited them on social networks in intimate situations without their consent. The legislation is aimed at naming, recognizing, making visible and punishing such behaviors as digital crimes. The public budget was also increased.
Still, violence prevails. The Mexican State recognized in 2022, more than 800 femicides. Activists say the real numbers are higher. An Amnesty International report found that authorities frequently fail to test whether a victim had also been sexually assaulted.
Frustrated by the increase in violence, participants in the feminist marches have opted for more radical actions such as destroying the infrastructure of the cities where they take place, an attitude that provokes antipathy.
On the other side of the “allies” of women’s causes, anti-feminists have also positioned themselves, sometimes with a bang: “What’s wrong with tasting (looking livid) at a woman,” said Javier Barrera, 40 years old , computer systems engineer.
Other times, in a veiled way, questioning the discourse. “Not all men have privileges, some revert. Or ridiculing the movement. “It can’t happen because the feminazis are there,” a police officer warned a driver at the most recent march.
Another common mistake, feminists observe, is to believe that supporting daughters’ studies or staying out of sisters’ lives is feminism. “That’s respect, nothing more,” they warn.
But anti-feminism has had its most radical and open expressions in the legislative blockade of equality policies and the recognition of sexual and reproductive rights with the endorsement of the speech of certain cardinals and bishops against the recognition of equal marriage and sexual rights. and reproductive.
Faced with such reality, the role of the “ally” or “feministo” is so controversial that even the president of the National Institute for Women of Mexico, Nadine Gasman, had to speak out recently and recognized that there are men whose support is so unconditional in the fight to close the existing gaps, who are feminists.
“Not all feminists agree, but there are male feminists.”
“We don’t always like us, they tell us it’s a strategy to flirt (seduce) women or they tell us to get involved, but we believe it’s the right thing to do,” said Néstor Hernández.
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